abuse, anti-depressants, big cheese, born, drugs, eat, experiences, fragility, gory, head space, healing, honorable, mental depression, mind, mind blowing, ownership, sensitive, Stephen King, substance, traumatic
NO! I Wasn’t Born Like This
It is not often that I’m faced with real stories, where those that write, do so from their hearts; where their greatest desire is to share with as many as possible, their story, in the hopes that it will encourage anyone who finds themselves in the same horrifying place…
Such a person is Sylvia-Rose, whose s story, will be featured in bi-monthly installments from this edition.
NO! I Wasn’t Born This Way
I have suffered from the “D” word for most of my adult life; had my fair share of some REALLY bad experiences with “those drugs”, anti-depressants.
My condition developed over many years, due mainly to painful and traumatic experiences that eventually took ownership of my mind. I won’t go into details here, these are not for sensitive viewers, the gory details of my somewhat mind blowing experiences. They are my story and as you accompany me along the road to my recovery; my stories might be of some help to you.
How, eventually I learnt to give the events less head space and no longer allowed them to be MY master but rather how I took on the role of the “big cheese”.
My depression impacted every sphere of my existence, it affected the people I cared most about.
It had crept into every corner of my life. The way I dressed, the way I interacted with others, the way I’d eat or more honestly how I didn’t eat, the way I spoke to people, how I saw myself in the mirror every day.
Those around me, family and friends, get an honorable mention here, they’ve seen and suffered with me a great deal.
I abused substances for years just to try and suppress the voices in my head, that never seemed to stop and the pain that never went away. The list goes on and reads a little like a Stephen King novel.
Depression…. Well, it’s a dark and sinister place.
Slowly, it began to define who I was. Fashioned from years of abuse and the voices in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough, or that I was too fat, that I could be something better, accomplish more; I wasn’t worth anyone’s love, or my all-time favorite: “it is our little secret”.
The author of this amazing blog site asked me if I would be willing to share my story.
How at 45, mother of four beautiful daughters, fiancée to my amazing partner in crime, and fellow successful procrastinator, had a full blown nervous breakdown, admitting myself into a facility, seeking help and relief from the dark place.
Over a period of 8 months discovering how depression had taken over ME and asking myself what was I going to do about it? And last but by no means least, how being on anti-depressants became something I didn’t have to hide from the “normal” people.
What I know for sure today is that I accept my healing and its fragility. I’m excited for the future and I can see clearly now the rain has gone, that;
NO! I Wasn’t Born This Way.
Wow, I’ve certainly given you a lengthy introduction to my story…….
Join me next session, as I take you down the road of my darkest nights.
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